FEATURE: "Cyber Creepin'"...Is It Possible To Cheat Online?

Yunno….it’s hard to believe that, in 2009, there are STILL people who think there’s nothing wrong with being in a relationship yet secretly communicating romantically with someone else over the internet. These people don’t see anything inherently wrong with “getting involved” with someone else online.

Really, the title of this article is rhetorical…because HELL YEAH it’s not only possible to cheat online, but for those so deviously inclined, it’s remarkably EASY to do.

Cyber creepin’ -or “cyber straying”, as the less cool would phrase it – occurs when two people who have never met in real life have online communications which are inappropriate in nature. Yeah, yeah, I hear you now, sitting there going, “…well, what constitutes ‘inappropriate’?” Well, for the most part...if you’re a purported ADULT in a committed relationship, you pretty much should know better when it comes to discerning what behavior would be considered “going over the line.” Basically, if you’re doing something which totally goes against the supposed principles upon which you based your relationship or marriage, then you're likely living foul on some inappropriate tip.

Still don’t understand? Okay, well….in ghetto layman’s terms, you know DAMN WELL your girl Quanisha would go upside your head with the nearest skillet if she saw that you just told some thick honey in Phoenix on blackplanet.com– whose profile picture is of her bent over suggestively in a cheerleader’s uniform - that you would “love to palm her pom-poms….”

“I Don’t See What The Problem Is…”
The main question these folks have surrounding whether it’s possible to cheat online is:

“How can you consider someone unfaithful if they never see or physically meet the person with whom they’re supposedly creepin’?”

Let’s put this in its proper perspective….social networking sites have changed everything about the way we communicate with each other, and particularly with the opposite sex. At work, at home, and even on the go through our mobile devices and cell phones, we’re able to post EVERY minute detail about ourselves for the rest of the world to see. Technology provides instant access to anyone, anywhere, at anytime.

So because of this ready-access, obviously it doesn’t really take much effort to cheat online. You can easily get at someone on the low-low in a variety of manners: via email, on forum message boards, in chat rooms, posting on their Myspace or Facebook pages (……aaaah, Facebook. I know people in relationships who consider the biggest downfall to a site like Facebook is that it’s very easy to SIMULTANEOUSLY correspond inappropriately with LOTS of people of the opposite sex. For the weaker-minded, it’s like a buffet of debauchery that spawns the worst kind of lames possible. Ain’t nothin’ sorrier than some herb who worked on his profile photo for two hours, taking 100 flicks on his Blackberry just to get the right shot for the profile, constantly changing his mind about certain poses…yeah, you’re way over the top with it, bruh. Stop it.) Since the WAY people can stay in touch has changed, it’s only natural that new methods for cheating would follow suit.

Cheating online is often referred to as having an “emotional affair”. Because even if you don’t physically act on feelings you may have for someone else, by continuing to engage in flirting or sharing of feelings or emotions via the Internet WITH that person you are violating the intimacy of your relationship with your current significant other.

"I'm A Flirt"
Let’s say you’re walking through the mall, arm-in-arm with your significant other….how comfortable do you think he/she would feel if you were winkin’ at every guy/girl that passed by, or saying to them, “Damn you look good!”, right in your significant other’s face? Yeeeeeeah, not very. The only difference between that scenario and doing it online is the form of, and proximity to, the person with whom you’re flirting. In other words, flirting is flirting, no matter how it’s executed.

R&B crooner Trey Songz has a song talkin’ about some woman sendin’ him messages and ending her sentences with “LOL” and inserting smiley faces (by the way...I HATE that damn song, what a craptacular display of musical prowess. How mindlessly droning is that garbage, I mean, I’d rather listen to two cats getting repeatedly run over by a lawnmower…). Now if you’re a MARRIED man, and you lewdly whistle at a woman in public, I’m here to tell you that there’s not much difference between THAT and sending a woman an email with the gang of smiley faces and suggestive language. And I DAMN SURE bet that your wife would be just as mad in either instance.

"Once UPORN A Time…” - Cyber Creepin’ and Porn
Some think watching porn online is a form of cheating. Now see, that’s getting dicey with it…because there is a noticeable distinction between the two. With porn, your mate feels violated because of the idea that you’ve replaced them with the image or likeness of another, in either video or photo format. In that respect, watching porn is a “single party” affair….cause it’s not like you can accuse someone’s PALM of being a home wrecker.

Cyber creepin’, on the other hand, presents a different and more pronounced violation because in that instance a partner is stealing instances of intimacy which should exist in their own marriage or relationship and instead directing them towards another REAL person. The person they’re cyber creepin’ with actively responds to, and promotes, actual feelings from YOUR partner, causing the two to develop their own sense of intimacy outside of your relationship.

To be CLEAR…you really don’t want your partner to be doing EITHER. But given the choice, would you rather let him/her get away with ordering “Slutty Young Co-Eds” on pay per view, or would you rather want to consider whether to hire Joey Greco to follow him/her around?

“I Saw The Signs…”
….so how do you determine just what IS going on between your significant other and that heifer in Hoboken? In many ways, someone engaged in cyber creepin’ will exhibit all the same signs as someone having a traditional affair outside of their relationship. Here are some good indicators that your mate might be gettin’ it in behind your back:

1. Devoting more attention to being online than being with you. Your partner might be distracted and unable to focus on you or your relationship. Those long talks y’all used to have? The time spent taking long rides to the shore? Those moments shared vandalizing vending machines on some “Bonnie & Clyde” tip? All gone. Instead, he/she favors spending large amounts of time on the computer to your company.

2. Overly secretive or sneaky behavior. Is your partner logging on at weird times, maybe after they think you’ve gone to sleep or early in the AM before you wake up? It might be that they don’t want you to see what they’re doing. They may also do things like shut the door to the computer room when they’re in there alone, or otherwise try and hide/minimize their screen if you suddenly walk into the room. They may also say they have to go into work early, or stay late at work, when they’re actually cyber creepin’ it up with someone else.

3. High volume of traffic to a specific person’s profile. Pretty much every social networking site - whether it’s Facebook, Myspace, whatever – gives its members the capability of editing an online profile, where one can leave comments for other people, post links, photos and videos, etc. And on a lot of those profiles, you can SEE who’s most recently visited the profile. So if your husband has made 30 visits to the profile page for “Mz. GottaBooty” over the last week, you MIGHT wanna see what’s good with that…..

4. Several emails to the same person under the “Sent Items” folder. I’m pretty sure your wife isn’t emailing "chocolategodbody@yahoo.com” to ask him for cookie recipes. And I’m even MORE sure that her inclusion of 12 smiley emoticons in response to him saying “I’d love to meet you…” is an indication that she might soon be telling you she’s signed up for a new night class ….that, uh, meets every night….for seven days a week…in the next county…

Bottom line? Don’t get into a relationship until your desire for “conquest” is gone (or, in the immortal words of MC Chubb Rock, until “the skeezer in you dies”). If you don’t think you’re mature enough for a commitment yet, then don’t get INTO one and you won’t have to worry about being tempted by some online Hottie McHotness. That way, no one’s time will have been wasted, people won’t hafta suffer unnecessary heartbreak, and women won’t hafta bust the windows outta dudes' cars….

Let’s all grow up people, hah?