FEATURE: "The Myth Of Prince Charming"

[Disney's first African-American Princess, Tiana, from "The Princess and the Frog", Courtesy of Disney Studios 2009]

“All men are the same!”

“ Why can’t I find the perfect guy?”

“Where is my Mr. Right…someone who will love me for ME?”

Sound familiar? They should. These are the prevailing sentiments of single women worldwide as they struggle with their search to find “Prince Charming”.

This idea of the existence of a Prince Charming for every woman is a novel concept: a man, encompassing all the qualities that would make him her ideal candidate, comes along and sweeps a woman off her feet, effectively saving her from the doldrums of bachelorette living. He come with a sense of financial security, he’s attentive, caring, , sensitive and has a fantastic sense of humor…

Only problem is, ain’t no such person alive on God’s green. What most women fail to realize is that there’s no such thing as “The Pefect Man”. It’s an impossibly unattainable pipe dream of fallacy. Why? Because quite simply, there is no such thing as a perfect PERSON. If everyone was perfect, there’d be no wars, no murders…and moreso, no one would ever have relationship problems. Therefore, how could there ever be a perfect MAN in particular? Last time I checked, the only "Perfect Man" I know walked on water and was betrayed after a dinner party.....

“Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right NOW”

Under the Prince Charming ideology, marriage is the ultimate goal and the chief reason for the designation. Women seeking their Prince Charming expect to get MARRIED, not just shack up or “kick it” with some dude. The reality is…women don’t want boyfriends, they want HUSBANDS. It doesn’t sound as good to say “my boyfriend” (or worse still, “my baby daddy”). That is why so many women want to use the ubiquitous title “my FIANCE”…meaning, he ain’t the hubby yet, but she only got him a step or two from the altar and that lockdown (CLANK-CLANK!!)

As a result, most women end up SETTLING for a partner. That is, they get involved with a less-than-credible suitor more out of a sense of desperation than any nod to that man’s ACTUAL credentials. They would rather be with ANYONE than be alone. They become so afraid of the possibility of loneliness that they embrace adaption (in this sense, rationalizing under duress to adjust to the status quo) and accept the first guy to come along and show them any form of attention.

Strangely, however, the woman becomes disillusioned when that relationship doesn’t work out….never taking into account the fact that she DOOMED the relationship before it even started.

“He’s Awwright, But He’s not REAL…”

If a woman isn’t settling, she’s choosing the worst possible candidates as potential mates. She’s associating with guys possessing all those negatively-recessive attributes that she DOESN’T need.

It’s no secret that “women love bad boys”. Every woman is intrigued by the notion of the “rebellious hellion”, the thug who’ll provide a sense of excitement to her life. So shouldn’t it only make sense that most of the women who continuously seek out these types of men are the same ones habitually caught in that pattern leading to heartache?

Nonetheless, these women will still try to mold a Prince Charming out of some useless thug type. They are taught since they are little girls that “someday their prince will come”, and be transformed from lowly toad to Prince Charming. “I can CHANGE him!”, they think. These are the SAME types of women who are later left wondering why that thug dude treated her like crap and cheated on her and/or disrespected her…and yet STLL, she'll have the audacity to exclaim “See, this is why men ain’t s---!!”

“(Wo)Man In The Mirror”

Which brings us to the culpability issue – a woman FAILING to accept responsibility for her own faults, shortcomings and BAD CHOICES with respect to her failed relationships. Sure, a guy can disappoint you with his actions, but at what point do you start to think “well, if all the guys I get with are dogs, then MAYBE it’s ME…”?

Some women have to take responsibility for what they ALLOW to happen. For instance, you have women who’ll exclaim how they want a certain kind of man (e.g., kind, gentle, etc.), but then when they GET him they end up driving him away because of their own insecurities. Usually, these types of women are so used to bein’ dissed and dogged - and expecting the worst from men - that when a dude DOESN’T do them wrong, they can’t fathom it. So they lash out -and sometimes even sabotage the relationship (jealousy, constant nagging, etc.) - either consciously or subconsciously, because it’s more within their comfort level to have drama in their relationship. Sadly, it’s what they’re USED TO…yet they will often try to play the victim role in that situation, as if everyone should feel sorry for them.

At some point, women (AND men) have to know when to start considering the possibility that something THEY are doing is what keeps causing them to come up short in the love department. As potential partners, we have to take personal accountability into play. Many people aren't accountable for their choices and actions, and aren’t yet mature enough to understand that they need to remove themselves from unhealthy routines. These are the types of people who don’t need to be in relationships at ALL.

Look, ladies…I’m not saying the perfect guy for you isn’t out there. Love is always tinged with pleasant notions of hope, that’s what makes it great. Rather, the perfect GUY isn’t out there. Because it's highly unlikely you'll find the guy who’ll have EVERY quality you want.

You have to discern which qualities are the most important to YOU. Looking for a good father? A man who knows stability, and works hard every day? A man who will remain faithful no matter how greatly he is tempted out there in the world? Put a premium on those qualities most essential to YOUR happiness and well-being.

Only then will Mr. Right come into play…and not Mr. Get The Hell Outta My Face RIGHT Now….

"The Peeves"

Rantings from the maddest brotha on the planet

By The Angry Blackman

…so just exactly WHEN did it become taboo to whoop the asses of bad little kids?

Somehow, dishing out whoopins (not “whippings”, this ain’t a 1866 South Carolina plantation….also, not “spankings” that’s too “S&M”-like) to deservingly rotten children became politically incorrect. Like, for whatever reason you’re considered a “bad parent” if you give that kid the business on their backside in public.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been pissed off in a supermarket by some prepubescent urchin poppin’ off disrespectfully to their parental figure. Nothing makes you wanna wring a kid’s neck faster than hearing them say “I HATE you!” to their parents, even when you don’t KNOW them. These people should have their parental badges revoked, and hot pokers shoved up their nostrils….and their kids should be NFL punted across the damn parking lot.

Somewhere along the line, America, we got soft. We let society dictate that we NOT administer tough love on those children who need it most. This is what I wanna know…who was the dufus who decided that taking “time outs” was more effective than taking leather belts to little posteriors? I don’t want you to sit in the corner, you tiny terror; in fact, when I get done you won’t be able to sit at ALL.

The art of a good ass whoopin’ is underappreciated and lost on kids nowadays. Back in the days of yore, elders took PRIDE in how they tore your ass up, and even demonstrated championship form when engaged in putting the smack down. Truly, whoopin’ your monkey ass was elevated to an ARTFORM:

• The Science Of Whoopin’ You With Whatever’s Handy. Nevermind a BELT…dude, you ever been whooped with an extension cord? A toy race car track (the orange ones wasn't no JOKE!)? Ever been made to get a switch off of a tree in order to whoop your OWN ass with (and don’t come back with the SHORT branch, that only made the whoopin’ worse)? And who can forget the ever-popular “beat your ass with my shoe” method?

• The TECHNICAL Aspects of Whoopins. Technique is the key. To the connoisseur...the belt is swung repeatedly at the legs and butt, to where it’s got the kid dancin’ around like Mike Jackson with a hot rock in his shoe. This is almost always executed by holding one of the kid’s arms upright while wailing away on the lower torso (his other arm flails aimlessly around, trying to detract the blows). And don’t make the parent CHASE you around the room, it only made it worse. As a result, the kid usually just went limp and hung on for dear life as the parent whomped away angrily….

So let’s bring back them good ol’ fashioned “I’mma beat you until my arm is tired” ass whoopins. When your currently-obnoxious little snot nose becomes an adult, he/she will better appreciate how your having done so was all for the best…and if not, at least they’ll know you ain’t playin’ around with their punk asses next time you tell them to shut the hell up….buncha dirty little sunnuva…..

(**DISCLAIMER: the views and opinions expressed herein by The Angry Blackman are exclusively his own and do not represent the views of thenewblacklove.com or its members….even though, most of the time, this fool be on point with his…**)

Sports: NFL 2009 Season Preview

Look, let’s be clear off the top…NFL football is the greatest sport ever known to any man anywhere in the history of anything. To even remotely debate this should net you an open-handed slap in the mouth, or possibly a Timberland up your tush. No sport is more exciting, generates greater revenue (through TV and merchandising) or otherwise gets a young man SO hyped that his damn blood is boiling…American loves its football, and the NFL is the main reason why.

So as we prepare to kick off the 2009 NFL season on Thursday, we here at TNBL present our picks and analysis while attempting to answer five of this season’s biggest questions.

1. Who is this year's "2008 Tennessee Titans"?

We’re looking for that team that'll unexpectedly win a ton of games out of nowhere, as Tennessee did when they went 13-3 in 2008. The type of team that, the year previous, was terrible , and then suddenly started looking like world-beaters LAST year, to where you were like "When did THEY get this good?" We like the Green Bay Packers in this role. Solid QB play from Aaron Rodgers, who’s working with a deep receiving corps (led by Driver and Jennings), TWO game-breaking tight ends (Lee and Finley) and a finally-healthy Ryan Grant in the backfield. Don’t be shocked if they end up being THAT team.

2. Who is this year's Detroit Lions?

Yunno, the team most likely to go 0-16 this year? We pick the Detroit Lions...again. Next question.

3. Which player will have the biggest breakout season?

This could be a rookie, but it could also be a second-year player. We like Dwayne Bowe of the Kansas City Chiefs to emerge as a premier receiver in the AFC this year. Only because new QB Matt Cassel has to throw to SOMEBODY now that TE Tony Gonzales is gone. Bowe should see PLENTY of balls thrown his way.

4. Which division will be the most dominant (have the most teams with winning records)?

In other words, “Which division is the strongest?” Well, it’s a TIE….we like both the NFC North and the AFC North. Green Bay, Minnesota and Chicago are ALL Super Bowl contenders. They are all so strong, in fact, that they distract you from the disaster that is the Detroit Lions. As for the AFC North, the Steelers and the Ravens are among the class of the conference. Cincinnati is going to be better than people think, and Cleveland may not make the playoffs but they will likely give teams tougher games than expected.

5. Who will have THE MOST dominant defense?

We like the Pittsburgh Steelers to continue their dominance from last season, when they were ranked 1st or 2nd in almost every major defensive statistical category. To be sure, there are several teams (most notably, the Titans, Ravens, Cowboys and Vikings) whose defenses could be very good, but going wire to wire our money is on the defending champs.

Our division winners (listed first) and losers:

AFC EAST
• New England – still the class of the division. Brady to Moss will still kill ANY team, and Belichick is still crafty enough to pull out the close ones. Should make a deep playoff run.
• Miami - still a year away from dominance. For one, they need a REAL quarterback. Once they get that, though....look out, rest of the division.
• NY Jets - WILL be good and might make the playoffs, but not good enough to beat the Patriots twice this year. Sanchez is likely the Rookie Of The Year, especially if he can get any semblance of a running game going behind him.
• Buffalo - Terrell Owens will have destroyed the team by the end of October.

AFC WEST
• San Diego - when healthy, head and shoulder above the rest of the division. LT is due to return to form any day now, and Rivers to Gates is still a top tandem in the league.
• Denver – this team lost already simply for believing in Kyle Orton. If they also give up their best (and most troubled) receiver, then they're basement status. As it is, though, they're good enough to be second in THIS division, but not many others.
• Kansas City - ABSOLUTELY no offensive line and have lost their anchor in the offense with the departure of Tony Gonzales. Larry WHO? Exactly, that dude is so inconsistent and undependable that you can't even count on him to contribute this year.
• Oakland - will never win as long as Al Davis continues to runs the franchise into the dirt.

AFC NORTH
• Pittsburgh – have the swagger, the experience, the running game, and that defense. The ONLY thing that can derail them from yet another postseason appearance is injuries.
• Baltimore - will be VERY tough, and will likely play Pittsburgh in the AFC Championship. Baltimore is one of the only teams I can see going into Foxboro and winning with no problem. They will be very, very good, especially if Flacco continues to look like a veteran.
• Cincinnati - will be MUCH better than we think anybody realizes, especially on defense. We predict them to make the playoffs this year.
• Cleveland – will struggle to go 7-9, but will play most games very tough.

AFC SOUTH
• Tennessee – their defense and running game will be great, again. No matter who the QB is, those two things might be enough to get them through the division. Jeff Fisher knows how to control his gameplan to be effective, that's why the Titans always get those "sneaky" wins to where you look up and they've won 12-10.
• Indianapolis –they’re a darkhorse...they COULD be good, but there are questions about the new defensive coordinator. I understand they've tinkered a bit with their standard Cover 2 4-3 alignment and will now blitz more heavily with their safeties and LBs to improve their pass rush and be better in 3rd and long situations.
• Jacksonville - will struggle and be supplanted by a team like Cincy. I have ALWAYS questioned David Garrard's leadership (even though he's a really nice, good guy) and I think the health bug will catch up with their running game this year. And their receivers are mad suspect.
• Houston - have to show me they have a CONSISTENT running game first this season before I consider them another team who could "supplant" a previously-considered annual contender (e.g., Jacksonville, Denver). I'll know first-hand, too, because I have Slaton on my fantasy team....

NFC EAST

[Note: author is biased against the NFC East, and as such will not pick an individual team]

The NFC East is pretty much up for grabs. It all depends on which team emerges from underneath all their question marks:
• NY Giants – they COULD be world-beaters if they can move the ball down the field vertically. We know they can run but they have NO go-to receivers anymore. Their defense will be great, but not great enough to be on the field MORE than the offense.
• Philadelphia - could play in the Super Bowl this year….IF they can CONVERT IN THE %#@*&# RED ZONE (ahem…s’cuse me) and improve their defensive intensity. Omar Gaither was named starting MLB to replace Stewart Bradley. The Macho Harris Era begins with the offseason departure of Brian Dawkins. Write it down: Macho Harris will be a premier safety in the NFL within the next 2-3 years. Remember that you heard it from TNBL first.
• Dallas –yunno, they really ARE a good team, or at least, they SHOULD be better now that That Other idiot is gone. However, until they actually WIN in the playoffs we can’t give them the type of props to put them above the Eagles or the Giants. At least those two teams have BEEN there already, while Dallas hasn’t won a playoff game since the days of yesteryear…they’re like the Notre Dame of the NFL….
• Washington - will do what they always do…start strong, with Portis playing like an All Pro and Jason Campbell being accurate and effective. THEN, Portis will get injured, their defense (who to that point will have been playing great) will start giving up 30 and 40 points per contest, and by the end of the season they’ll be outta the playoff picture. Serves you right when you think you can simply throw money at a situation in order to win a title. Dan Snyder is such a loooo-HOOO-serrr-HERRRRR….

NFC WEST
• Arizona - they win by default because the rest of the division is so craptacular. We WILL say this, though: there is NO WAY Kurt Warner stays healthy for the WHOLE year again.
• Seattle – is the only team who could actually SURPRISE people if they can put it all together. Arizona’s only competition in the division.
• St. Louis - has no defense whatsoever. Will score points themselves, but so what?
• San Francisco is not disciplined enough, especially on defense, and they STILL don’t have a QB. Also, Crabtree is only making it worse on himself by not being there.

NFC NORTH
• Minnesota - Don’t get us wrong…Green Bay OR Chicago can both win this division, as well. But a REAL QB is all Minnesota needed to not only win this division, but possibly win the entire NFC. Adrian Peterson wasn’t as INJURED last year as some had expected (he was hurt, but he bounced back quickly each time) and Minny might have the best offensive line AND defensive line in the league. All they needed was the THREAT of a passing game. And say what you want about Diva Brett, he KNOWS how to deliver in that regard, and he KNOWS how to win. It’s all they needed. We think they win 11 or 12 games this year.
• Green Bay – will be very good, may even be among the best. However, the bottom line is that we don’t think they’re going to beat Minnesota TWICE this season because Favre has been just ITCHING for almost three years to play the Packers, and we think he’s going to go absolutely berserk when he does face them. In fact, we think he’ll have his best games against them this year.
• Chicago - listen….when their defense is healthy, you HAVE to consider them serious contenders. That will be the case this year. Plus, with the emergence of Matt Forte and now the addition of Jay Cutler (and we’re sorry, but Cutler is FAR, FAR better than ANYBODY they’ve had in there in the last half a decade), they can control the clock AND score points with the deep ball.

…oh, you thought we forgot Detroit?…well, they are pretty forgettable. But we all know they ain’t gon’ do nothin’, so why kick ‘em while they’re down? Oh wait, we just did, didn’t we?

D’AH well….

NFC SOUTH
• Atlanta – we pick them over Carolina only because we have ZERO confidence in Jake Delhomme. Turner is a stud and Gonzales will have a Pro Bowl year. Matt Ryan is said to look “better than he did last season.”
• Carolina - probably stronger defensively than Atlanta, and have ample weapons, but again, Delhomme is far too up and down in our opinions in order for them to win this division. He COULD surprise, but we’re not betting on him this time.
• New Orleans - will likely be rather one-dimensional, even though Drew Brees is far too underrated as one of the best QBs in the entire league. Also, one Brees injury and they’re straight toilet bowl status.
• Tampa Bay - has far too many QB issues for our tastes. Defense will be good but running game and receiving corps are question marks, as well.

Sports Extra: NFL Season Opener Preview - Titans vs. Steelers

vs

It’s baaaack!

Yes, that couch-denting, beer belly inducing, artery-clogging fatty-snack-associated season is upon us, when the NFL is born anew! There are officially 31 teams equally footed (that is, ere’body is 0-0) with Super Bowl dreams. And yes, we here are TNBL realize there are actually 32 NFL teams, but c'mon, who REALLY counts Detroit?

To kick off 2009 in proper fashion, Thursday night’s season opener features the Tennessee Titans (13-3 in 2008) against the defending Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4 in 2008). The defending champs begin their title defense with this classic AFC rivalry game SIMMERING with subplots. AAAAAH…the undertones of this game make it the PERFECT season kickoff!

What? “Why?”?!? Is that what you just asked me? Dude, don’t you remember LAST season?

Travel with me back to Week 16….December 21, 2008. The Steelers lose to the Titans at Tennessee by the score of 31-14, in a game which was CHARGED with an electric playoff-like atmosphere. With the win, the Titans would claim the lead in the race for the top seed in the AFC. It was a violently hard-hitting, punishing game, with the Titans essentially bullying their way to the win…and then TAUNTING the Steelers afterwards.

What you may remember most was the camera catching several Titans players, led by RB LenDale White, stomping on a Steelers "Terrible Towel" on the sidelines in sheer disrespect, and overall mocking the Steelers smugly. Given that they lost the game and then also had to witness such blatant disses, it’s understandable that the STEELERS were pissed in their post-game interviews.

But the Steelers and the Titans never got the chance to play again afterwards. The Titans ended up losing to the Ravens in the divisional round of the playoffs, so the Steelers were never able to extract any measure of revenge. This will be the first time the two teams have met since THEN. The Steelers DEFINITELY remember those sideline antics, and would LOVE to meet over the middle to “chat” with Mr. White (and there damn sure won’t be tea served)….

…and this time they’re playing at Heinz Field…IN Pittsburgh.

Ohhhhhhh, momma….there’s gonna be alotta HARD HITTING FACTS in this one. Strap on the seat belts, people….

QUICK HITS:

• Steelers are 38-29 all-time in the regular season vs the Titans (including when they were the Houston Oilers)
• Titans head coach Jeff Fisher is 12-7 against the Steelers in his career
• Pittsburgh's Mike Tomlin is 0-1 against both Fisher and Tennessee as a head coach.

Jewelry Heist Gone Wrong....Straight Comedy!

Look for these guys to make an appearance soon on World’s Dumbest Criminals…an attempted robbery at a jewelry store goes awry when the stunned clerks decide to fight back:



FIRST of all…how do you own a jewelry store and NOT a gun? These fools are spraying the crooks with FIRE EXTINGUISHERS. You got several thousand dollars worth of inventory and you’re NOT strapped behind the counter? (That’s something I always respected about pawn shops, you even THINK of trying something and it’s a wrap, even the old lady in the back counting the MONEY is gonna pull out a piece….)

Secondly, and even WORSE, how are you gonna run up in the jewelry store all Billy Bad Ass with sledgehammers – like y’all about to straight wreak havoc and cause destruction, smashing the glass doors all dramatically and whatnot - and yet turn tail and run like scared little schoolchildren….from a FIRE EXTINGUISHER?

Let this be a lesson to all you dimwitted delinquents out there….don’t do the crime if…yunno…you aren’t gonna ACTUALLY do the damn crime….