[Disney's first African-American Princess, Tiana, from "The Princess and the Frog", Courtesy of Disney Studios 2009]“All men are the same!”
“ Why can’t I find the perfect guy?”
“Where is my Mr. Right…someone who will love me for ME?”
Sound familiar? They should. These are the prevailing sentiments of single women worldwide as they struggle with their search to find “Prince Charming”.
This idea of the existence of a Prince Charming for every woman is a novel concept: a man, encompassing all the qualities that would make him her ideal candidate, comes along and sweeps a woman off her feet, effectively saving her from the doldrums of bachelorette living. He come with a sense of financial security, he’s attentive, caring, , sensitive and has a fantastic sense of humor…
Only problem is, ain’t no such person alive on God’s green. What most women fail to realize is that there’s no such thing as “The Pefect Man”. It’s an impossibly unattainable pipe dream of fallacy. Why? Because quite simply, there is no such thing as a perfect PERSON. If everyone was perfect, there’d be no wars, no murders…and moreso, no one would ever have relationship problems. Therefore, how could there ever be a perfect MAN in particular? Last time I checked, the only "Perfect Man" I know walked on water and was betrayed after a dinner party.....
“Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right NOW”
Under the Prince Charming ideology, marriage is the ultimate goal and the chief reason for the designation. Women seeking their Prince Charming expect to get MARRIED, not just shack up or “kick it” with some dude. The reality is…women don’t want boyfriends, they want HUSBANDS. It doesn’t sound as good to say “my boyfriend” (or worse still, “my baby daddy”). That is why so many women want to use the ubiquitous title “my FIANCE”…meaning, he ain’t the hubby yet, but she only got him a step or two from the altar and that lockdown (CLANK-CLANK!!)
As a result, most women end up SETTLING for a partner. That is, they get involved with a less-than-credible suitor more out of a sense of desperation than any nod to that man’s ACTUAL credentials. They would rather be with ANYONE than be alone. They become so afraid of the possibility of loneliness that they embrace adaption (in this sense, rationalizing under duress to adjust to the status quo) and accept the first guy to come along and show them any form of attention.
Strangely, however, the woman becomes disillusioned when that relationship doesn’t work out….never taking into account the fact that she DOOMED the relationship before it even started.
“He’s Awwright, But He’s not REAL…”
If a woman isn’t settling, she’s choosing the worst possible candidates as potential mates. She’s associating with guys possessing all those negatively-recessive attributes that she DOESN’T need.
It’s no secret that “women love bad boys”. Every woman is intrigued by the notion of the “rebellious hellion”, the thug who’ll provide a sense of excitement to her life. So shouldn’t it only make sense that most of the women who continuously seek out these types of men are the same ones habitually caught in that pattern leading to heartache?
Nonetheless, these women will still try to mold a Prince Charming out of some useless thug type. They are taught since they are little girls that “someday their prince will come”, and be transformed from lowly toad to Prince Charming. “I can CHANGE him!”, they think. These are the SAME types of women who are later left wondering why that thug dude treated her like crap and cheated on her and/or disrespected her…and yet STLL, she'll have the audacity to exclaim “See, this is why men ain’t s---!!”
“(Wo)Man In The Mirror”
Which brings us to the culpability issue – a woman FAILING to accept responsibility for her own faults, shortcomings and BAD CHOICES with respect to her failed relationships. Sure, a guy can disappoint you with his actions, but at what point do you start to think “well, if all the guys I get with are dogs, then MAYBE it’s ME…”?
Some women have to take responsibility for what they ALLOW to happen. For instance, you have women who’ll exclaim how they want a certain kind of man (e.g., kind, gentle, etc.), but then when they GET him they end up driving him away because of their own insecurities. Usually, these types of women are so used to bein’ dissed and dogged - and expecting the worst from men - that when a dude DOESN’T do them wrong, they can’t fathom it. So they lash out -and sometimes even sabotage the relationship (jealousy, constant nagging, etc.) - either consciously or subconsciously, because it’s more within their comfort level to have drama in their relationship. Sadly, it’s what they’re USED TO…yet they will often try to play the victim role in that situation, as if everyone should feel sorry for them.
At some point, women (AND men) have to know when to start considering the possibility that something THEY are doing is what keeps causing them to come up short in the love department. As potential partners, we have to take personal accountability into play. Many people aren't accountable for their choices and actions, and aren’t yet mature enough to understand that they need to remove themselves from unhealthy routines. These are the types of people who don’t need to be in relationships at ALL.
If a woman isn’t settling, she’s choosing the worst possible candidates as potential mates. She’s associating with guys possessing all those negatively-recessive attributes that she DOESN’T need.
It’s no secret that “women love bad boys”. Every woman is intrigued by the notion of the “rebellious hellion”, the thug who’ll provide a sense of excitement to her life. So shouldn’t it only make sense that most of the women who continuously seek out these types of men are the same ones habitually caught in that pattern leading to heartache?
Nonetheless, these women will still try to mold a Prince Charming out of some useless thug type. They are taught since they are little girls that “someday their prince will come”, and be transformed from lowly toad to Prince Charming. “I can CHANGE him!”, they think. These are the SAME types of women who are later left wondering why that thug dude treated her like crap and cheated on her and/or disrespected her…and yet STLL, she'll have the audacity to exclaim “See, this is why men ain’t s---!!”
“(Wo)Man In The Mirror”
Which brings us to the culpability issue – a woman FAILING to accept responsibility for her own faults, shortcomings and BAD CHOICES with respect to her failed relationships. Sure, a guy can disappoint you with his actions, but at what point do you start to think “well, if all the guys I get with are dogs, then MAYBE it’s ME…”?
Some women have to take responsibility for what they ALLOW to happen. For instance, you have women who’ll exclaim how they want a certain kind of man (e.g., kind, gentle, etc.), but then when they GET him they end up driving him away because of their own insecurities. Usually, these types of women are so used to bein’ dissed and dogged - and expecting the worst from men - that when a dude DOESN’T do them wrong, they can’t fathom it. So they lash out -and sometimes even sabotage the relationship (jealousy, constant nagging, etc.) - either consciously or subconsciously, because it’s more within their comfort level to have drama in their relationship. Sadly, it’s what they’re USED TO…yet they will often try to play the victim role in that situation, as if everyone should feel sorry for them.
At some point, women (AND men) have to know when to start considering the possibility that something THEY are doing is what keeps causing them to come up short in the love department. As potential partners, we have to take personal accountability into play. Many people aren't accountable for their choices and actions, and aren’t yet mature enough to understand that they need to remove themselves from unhealthy routines. These are the types of people who don’t need to be in relationships at ALL.
Look, ladies…I’m not saying the perfect guy for you isn’t out there. Love is always tinged with pleasant notions of hope, that’s what makes it great. Rather, the perfect GUY isn’t out there. Because it's highly unlikely you'll find the guy who’ll have EVERY quality you want.
You have to discern which qualities are the most important to YOU. Looking for a good father? A man who knows stability, and works hard every day? A man who will remain faithful no matter how greatly he is tempted out there in the world? Put a premium on those qualities most essential to YOUR happiness and well-being.
Only then will Mr. Right come into play…and not Mr. Get The Hell Outta My Face RIGHT Now….
You have to discern which qualities are the most important to YOU. Looking for a good father? A man who knows stability, and works hard every day? A man who will remain faithful no matter how greatly he is tempted out there in the world? Put a premium on those qualities most essential to YOUR happiness and well-being.
Only then will Mr. Right come into play…and not Mr. Get The Hell Outta My Face RIGHT Now….
Posts
"Some women have to take responsibility for what they ALLOW to happen." - really this should be ALL women (and men).
ReplyDeleteMore amazing is how people visit the same places and associate with the same people and wonder why "All men/women are the same".
To truly experience life we have to get out of our comfort levels and try new things. Many times people are more concerned with their friends opinion of their relationship choice.