"The Peeves"

Rantings from the maddest brotha on the planet

By The Angry Blackman

…so just exactly WHEN did it become taboo to whoop the asses of bad little kids?

Somehow, dishing out whoopins (not “whippings”, this ain’t a 1866 South Carolina plantation….also, not “spankings” that’s too “S&M”-like) to deservingly rotten children became politically incorrect. Like, for whatever reason you’re considered a “bad parent” if you give that kid the business on their backside in public.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been pissed off in a supermarket by some prepubescent urchin poppin’ off disrespectfully to their parental figure. Nothing makes you wanna wring a kid’s neck faster than hearing them say “I HATE you!” to their parents, even when you don’t KNOW them. These people should have their parental badges revoked, and hot pokers shoved up their nostrils….and their kids should be NFL punted across the damn parking lot.

Somewhere along the line, America, we got soft. We let society dictate that we NOT administer tough love on those children who need it most. This is what I wanna know…who was the dufus who decided that taking “time outs” was more effective than taking leather belts to little posteriors? I don’t want you to sit in the corner, you tiny terror; in fact, when I get done you won’t be able to sit at ALL.

The art of a good ass whoopin’ is underappreciated and lost on kids nowadays. Back in the days of yore, elders took PRIDE in how they tore your ass up, and even demonstrated championship form when engaged in putting the smack down. Truly, whoopin’ your monkey ass was elevated to an ARTFORM:

• The Science Of Whoopin’ You With Whatever’s Handy. Nevermind a BELT…dude, you ever been whooped with an extension cord? A toy race car track (the orange ones wasn't no JOKE!)? Ever been made to get a switch off of a tree in order to whoop your OWN ass with (and don’t come back with the SHORT branch, that only made the whoopin’ worse)? And who can forget the ever-popular “beat your ass with my shoe” method?

• The TECHNICAL Aspects of Whoopins. Technique is the key. To the connoisseur...the belt is swung repeatedly at the legs and butt, to where it’s got the kid dancin’ around like Mike Jackson with a hot rock in his shoe. This is almost always executed by holding one of the kid’s arms upright while wailing away on the lower torso (his other arm flails aimlessly around, trying to detract the blows). And don’t make the parent CHASE you around the room, it only made it worse. As a result, the kid usually just went limp and hung on for dear life as the parent whomped away angrily….

So let’s bring back them good ol’ fashioned “I’mma beat you until my arm is tired” ass whoopins. When your currently-obnoxious little snot nose becomes an adult, he/she will better appreciate how your having done so was all for the best…and if not, at least they’ll know you ain’t playin’ around with their punk asses next time you tell them to shut the hell up….buncha dirty little sunnuva…..

(**DISCLAIMER: the views and opinions expressed herein by The Angry Blackman are exclusively his own and do not represent the views of thenewblacklove.com or its members….even though, most of the time, this fool be on point with his…**)