"The Peeves"

Rantings from the maddest brotha on the planet

By The Angry Blackman

When you consider all the things throughout your day that stress you most consistently, driving has to be near the top of the list. It’s especially true if you commute daily, like me, crossing major thoroughfares on a routine basis (and don’t get me started on bridge tolls, that’s a whole ‘nother Peeve rant entirely).

Driving presents the constant challenge of unraveling one of life’s greatest enigmas, which is:

If everyone is required to take written and driving tests in order to obtain their licenses, thereby having to PROVE their “fitness” to operate a motor vehicle on public roads and highways, then WHY ARE THERE SO MANY &^%$#@ IDIOTS ON THE DAMN ROAD?!?

Blame your local DMV for the overabundance of morons on today’s highways and byways. TRULY, in this day and age, ANY idiot can get a driver’s license…and judging by the antics of some of the people you see on the roads daily, a lot of idiots DO get licenses. Nothing pisses me off more than the following, the five most ridiculously stupid types of behavior you’ll ever see executed behind a steering wheel:

― People Using Cell Phones/PDAs While Driving. In certain States, it’s illegal to talk on the phone while you’re driving. You can get pulled over for it. Honestly, it’s just not very smart because it detracts from your concentration level behind the wheel. As a responsible driver, you have no place having a heated argument with your Boo while switchin’ lanes during a traffic jam, and you have ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS whatsoever trying to send text messages while you’re driving. Cruising down the turnpike doing 70 MPH is NOT exactly the most ideal time to text your cousin about that “honey you met at the club last night…”

― People Grooming Themselves While Driving. This is just unacceptable on so many levels. So you’re gonna WAIT until you’re in your CAR to put on lipstick and apply eye shadow? You REALLY think it’s cool to shave your beard in the rear view mirror while a freakin’ semi-truck is doing a strong 75 MPH to your immediate left? I mean, NEVERMIND that you just left your house where you could have instead used, oh I dunno, YOUR BATHROOM for something like that, right?

― People With An Overall Lack Of “Driving Etiquette 101”. Some people just don’t KNOW how to properly conduct and comport themselves when they are out on the road, in the midst of traffic. In other words, they ain’t got no damn home training. There are certain COMMON SENSE courtesies you always extend when you’re driving:

• Don’t tailgate me closely. Dude, why the hell are you all up in my TRUNK? This is not Talladega, don’t be bump-drafting me down I-95. Get your Grace-Jones-“Pull-Up-To-My-Bumper-Baby”-lookin’ ass AT LEAST a car’s length away from my vehicle…

• Don’t change lanes without signaling. During the 20th Century, a REMARKABLE thing happened…cars became equipped with a UNIQUE mechanism known as a TURN SIGNAL…USE IT. Don’t come outta nowhere from my blind side and cut me off, trying to cut across four lanes of traffic to get to an exit your dumb ass should have KNOWN was coming up half a mile ago.

• Don’t sit in a traffic jam and honk your horn. Listen, no matter HOW many times you do it, it’s NOT going to make traffic move any faster. The lanes are NOT going to magically part solely for your pleasure, like some highway version of The Red Sea. Knock it off. THIS MEANS YOU, NEW YORK CITY CAB DRIVERS…

― People Who Smoke With Kids In The Car. What on God’s green would possess someone to emit toxic fumes in the direct presence of their own (or another’s) children? We’re talkin’ about (supposed) GROWN adult people here, who apparently experience nic (nicotine) fits so strong that waiting to get out of the car first is unrealistic to them, like that’s too long to wait….never mind that there are three toddlers in the backseat (and don’t eeeeven get me started on people who don’t make little kids put on their seat belts…)…so now everyone in the damn car is forced to walk into church smellin’ like Flavor Country. Seriously, anyone like this is absolutely the worst type of person and I hope they all come down with Marburg Hemorrhagic Fever.

― Old People Driving. THE GRANDADDY OF THEM ALL! Hands down the most reprehensible, most obnoxious peeve in all of driving-dom. Simply put, old people have no business operating motor vehicles on public roadways. Period. Their nonsensical road violations are endless. Like, old people should NEVER try to cut another driver off. They don’t possess the proper motor skills (no pun intended) nor range of motion to execute it effectively….so they end up cutting you off AND making you slam on the brakes because they’re only doing 20 MPH WHILE they’re cutting you off. Since their rate of speed doesn’t ever increase - it’s like they get to 20 MPH and feel the wind in their hair, so the dementia tricks them into thinking they’re going faster than they really are – they end up snarling traffic, while being COMPLETELY oblivious to it all. So now I’m late for work because an entire highway lane, seven cars deep, is backed up due to someone Driving Miss Daisy. It's a FACT that old people should have to re-qualify their fitness for driving once they reach a certain age. You’ve seen it countless times, videos of elderly drivers crashing into crowds of people because the car was in reverse by accident, or they hit the gas when they should have hit the brake…I say we get these dangerous geezers off the streets as quickly as possible.

It’s all enough to make you just wanna catch the damn bus…..

(**DISCLAIMER: the views and opinions expressed herein by Angry Blackman are exclusively his own and do not represent the views of thenewblacklove.com or its members….even though, most of the time, this fool be on point with his…**)