"The Peeves"

Rantings from the maddest brotha on the planet

By The Angry Blackman

In this age of the H1N1 virus and other flu-related maladies, it’s more important than ever that people step their game up when it comes to their hygiene habits. Particularly now that we’re approaching the winter months, when cold and sickness is almost unavoidable for most of us. From our co-workers to our family members, everyone should be more mindful of the welfare of others and curtail their disgusting practices.

Let’s face it…some people are just flat-out NASTY. I’m talkin’ about that no home training, “if your momma saw you doing that she’d slap your face” kind of nasty. Truly, their hygienic habits leave much to be desired. These are the type of people who frequently commit one of the following “cardinal sins of hygiene”:

• Using public restrooms and leaving without washing their hands. This really kills me. How you gon’ walk your triflin’ ass from the urinal or stall, and go STRAIGHT out the door? So I’m supposed to grab the door handle AFTER you? I mean damn, is it too much to ask that you at least pull out some hand sanitizer? People who do this at restaurants are the worst, how can you possibly use a PUBLIC facility and then go back and touch your FOOD? It’s like they have absolutely no concept of what a damn germ is….

• Sneezing or coughing without covering their nose/mouth. How irritating is this, eh? I mean dude, are you TRYING to get everyone else sick? This is a common sense courtesy that even a trained monkey would recognize. Seriously, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that NOBODY wants an extra serving of snot on their slacks just because you’re an inconsiderate bastard. And….you know how you expel a small bit of spittle into the air when you cough without covering your mouth? Yeah, so do we. So knock it off….

• Scratching self/picking nose/digging in butt in public. Oh yeah, now THIS is attractive. Oooh, nothing turns a guy on more than watching some woman standing on the train platform, digging her drawers outta her ass, right? And it’s always appealing to see a fast food worker with a finger up their nose as they reach for your large fries, isn’t it? And certainly, NOBODY wants to see that guy who scratches his crotch in a crowded supermarket, and then smells his fingers…ugh…..these are the type of things you do in the privacy of your own HOME, not on the Jumbo-Tron at the Phillies game….

• Not wearing deodorant, or otherwise smelling like they don’t bathe/shower. Look, this isn’t France. In America we ENCOURAGE washing your ass, and doing so frequently. And don’t try spraying a whole bottle of cologne on top of your clothes, either, like it’s going to cover up that 3-day old funk. Nobody wants to stand in an elevator next to a guy who smells like a musty Avon rep. I mean, what grown ass man/woman doesn’t shower daily? Worse yet, how do you NOT know that you smell like a spokesperson for skunks nationwide? Hey, here’s a tip: if your pits enter the room before YOU do, you MIGHT wanna get down with the Speed Stick, okay?

• Spitting/hocking up loogies. Just inappropriate on so many levels. For one, most people don’t have any “projection control”…..meaning, they spit a loogie not really knowing WHERE it’s going to land, leaving anybody within their immediate circumference in jeopardy of catchin’ a bad one. Then, there’s NEVER an appropriate way to make that disgusting hocking noise….like, it’s virtually impossible to sound “sexy” when you’re bringing phlem from the back of your throat up to the surface. And have you ever seen a WOMAN do this? You think to yourself, “Damn honey, why not just scratch your BALLS while you’re at it, eh?”

Look, people….public health is everyone’s responsibility. So next time you see that guy in IHOP trying to walk straight outta the restroom after taking a dump, do your civic duty…stick a foot up his nasty punk ass while reminding him that “Dial” isn’t just that knob on the radio…

It’s for the greater good….

(**DISCLAIMER: the views and opinions expressed herein by Angry Blackman are exclusively his own and do not represent the views of thenewblacklove.com or its members….even though, most of the time, this fool be on point with his…**)