How cool is THIS? Jay’s promotional ad for his new album, The Blueprint 3, depicts him reenacting all his album cover photos.
HOV!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Our resident relationship expert doles out the tough love on all things lovey-dovey…
Reconstructing Your Love Jones...
ATTENTION ALL WRITERS AND POETS!
Want a forum to showcase your skills? Well, thenewblacklove is currently accepting submissions for its upcoming "Spotlight On..." feature. We want your best poetry, articles and/or written material related to love and/or relationships.
Submit your writings to thenewblacklove to the attention of our editor, VERBZ, at verbz@live.com, and we could make you our next featured artist in the "Spotlight On" section! Coming soon!
Submit your writings to thenewblacklove to the attention of our editor, VERBZ, at verbz@live.com, and we could make you our next featured artist in the "Spotlight On" section! Coming soon!
Posts
Ask Dr. Blakluv
Our resident relationship expert doles out the tough love on all things lovey-dovey…
Dear Dr. Blakluv,
Dear Dr. Blackluv,
I'm an 18-year old White female who is in love with a 20-year old Black male. We have been dating now for over a year. He treats me wonderfully, better than any boyfriend I've ever had. And while he and I have since grown accustomed to the dirty looks and contemptable stares we get out in public, our biggest issue is the fact that my mom doesn't approve of me dating a Black man. I've tried to stress to her over and over that love is colorblind, but she was brought up a different way and I don't think she'll ever see my point of view. How can I make my mom understand that I'm smart and responsible enough to make and live with whatever decision I make in love? She hates my fiancee because he is Black, not because of who he is as a person. I love my mom to death, but I won't let her ignorance stand between me and my happiness.
Signed,
Desiree
Florida, USA
Dear Desiree
Sadly, there are still many people who live in the 1960s, who still associate one's color with the content of their character, who, quite frankly just don't get it. To be honest, oftentimes even people who, for the most part, are open-minded folks tend to need some “act right” when they demonstrate overly judgmental behavior. This is especially true of family members, and it can be frustrating and hurtful when that judgmental behavior is directed at you.
While you assert yourself against your mom's views, make sure your boyfriend understands the gravity of the situation. In other words, make sure he KNOWS your momma ain't feelin' him. Don't hide or mask that from him. That can only make the situation worse. Let him know that you value him and your relationship and that the viewpoints of others – regardless of who they may be – won't be a hindrance to your commitment. In fact, it might even be helpful to discuss with him ways to address the issue with your mother. That way, he may feel like part of the resolution process.
In any case, you have to assert a sense of finality with your mother over this issue. Meaning, you have to make her understand that, no matter what she says or does after you make that final point, the issue is dead to you. So she'd be wasting her breath ever talking to you about it again. The best way to approach this is to talk to her during a time when the conversation is pleasant, when you are both extremely calm and amenable. It's never smart to go in on someone in the heat of the moment, during an argument or disagreement. This only leads to angry and/or defensive responses. Also, it may help to speak to her first without your boyfriend being present. This will give you and your mother the chance to use any brutal honesty in order to truly understand each other's opinions and views. Be clear with her regarding how it makes you and your man feel when she starts on that prejudicial crap. You need to let her know that, as HER child, she has raised you well enough to know when a situation is either good or bad for you and, as such, she should trust and respect your decisions. It might also be helpful to point out the good things about your relationship, to highlight exactly why your boyfriend is unique and special enough for you to be with him. Hell, you could also flat out ASK your momma what her damn problem is, try to delve into exactly why she feels the way she does and, as a result, why YOU will never feel that way.
Bottom line? All that truly matters is how you feel about your boyfriend, and vice versa. If you two really love each other, then other people's opinions shouldn't even matter. Further, if your bald-headed momma wants to hate on your relationship when things appear to be so good with it, then that's her problem. Some people are never going to change the sensibilities they grew up with, especially when they're in their older years. You and your boyfriend should make an attempt to associate with other family, and friends, who do support your relationship. Because again, what matters most are your opinions of each other, not the opinions of the haters.
After all, it's YOUR life to live and nobody else's....right?
Got an affection question for the good doctor? Email it to us at verbz@live.com
I'm an 18-year old White female who is in love with a 20-year old Black male. We have been dating now for over a year. He treats me wonderfully, better than any boyfriend I've ever had. And while he and I have since grown accustomed to the dirty looks and contemptable stares we get out in public, our biggest issue is the fact that my mom doesn't approve of me dating a Black man. I've tried to stress to her over and over that love is colorblind, but she was brought up a different way and I don't think she'll ever see my point of view. How can I make my mom understand that I'm smart and responsible enough to make and live with whatever decision I make in love? She hates my fiancee because he is Black, not because of who he is as a person. I love my mom to death, but I won't let her ignorance stand between me and my happiness.
Signed,
Desiree
Florida, USA
Dear Desiree
Sadly, there are still many people who live in the 1960s, who still associate one's color with the content of their character, who, quite frankly just don't get it. To be honest, oftentimes even people who, for the most part, are open-minded folks tend to need some “act right” when they demonstrate overly judgmental behavior. This is especially true of family members, and it can be frustrating and hurtful when that judgmental behavior is directed at you.
While you assert yourself against your mom's views, make sure your boyfriend understands the gravity of the situation. In other words, make sure he KNOWS your momma ain't feelin' him. Don't hide or mask that from him. That can only make the situation worse. Let him know that you value him and your relationship and that the viewpoints of others – regardless of who they may be – won't be a hindrance to your commitment. In fact, it might even be helpful to discuss with him ways to address the issue with your mother. That way, he may feel like part of the resolution process.
In any case, you have to assert a sense of finality with your mother over this issue. Meaning, you have to make her understand that, no matter what she says or does after you make that final point, the issue is dead to you. So she'd be wasting her breath ever talking to you about it again. The best way to approach this is to talk to her during a time when the conversation is pleasant, when you are both extremely calm and amenable. It's never smart to go in on someone in the heat of the moment, during an argument or disagreement. This only leads to angry and/or defensive responses. Also, it may help to speak to her first without your boyfriend being present. This will give you and your mother the chance to use any brutal honesty in order to truly understand each other's opinions and views. Be clear with her regarding how it makes you and your man feel when she starts on that prejudicial crap. You need to let her know that, as HER child, she has raised you well enough to know when a situation is either good or bad for you and, as such, she should trust and respect your decisions. It might also be helpful to point out the good things about your relationship, to highlight exactly why your boyfriend is unique and special enough for you to be with him. Hell, you could also flat out ASK your momma what her damn problem is, try to delve into exactly why she feels the way she does and, as a result, why YOU will never feel that way.
Bottom line? All that truly matters is how you feel about your boyfriend, and vice versa. If you two really love each other, then other people's opinions shouldn't even matter. Further, if your bald-headed momma wants to hate on your relationship when things appear to be so good with it, then that's her problem. Some people are never going to change the sensibilities they grew up with, especially when they're in their older years. You and your boyfriend should make an attempt to associate with other family, and friends, who do support your relationship. Because again, what matters most are your opinions of each other, not the opinions of the haters.
After all, it's YOUR life to live and nobody else's....right?
Got an affection question for the good doctor? Email it to us at verbz@live.com
No comments:
Post a Comment