FEATURE: “He/She Got Game”…Is The Art Of Courtship Dead?

Y’all know the types…

Men, we ALL got those homies who stay braggin’ about how many women they know or associate with, the types who’re proud that they have a full roster of honeys in their phone logs…the type of dudes whose egos arrive in the room before THEY do.

Ladies, what about that homegirl that brags about how one dude “won’t stop callin’”, how another paid for her hair and nails, and how a third even paid her electric and phone bills?

Growing up, ere’body and they momma thinks they’re a “mack” or a “pimp” at some point (and yes, women can be macks, too). Having “game” – or, an ability to entice and induce members of the opposite sex to succumb to your will – is considered essential to your whole steez as a young person, ‘cause NOBODY wants to be looked at as someone with an inability to attract the opposite sex…or, “weak game”. This has been a staple of my generation’s thinking for decades, and continues to be for the younger generations of today.

But at what cost? The lost art of courting – the act of wooing the opposite sex by genuinely and honestly seeking their affections upon your initial meetings - has been a tragic by-product of this “quest for the conquest”. Be real…when a dude brings a woman flowers, for example, OTHER dudes consider that a “corny” gesture, and may even give him a tough time for it. He’s reminded that he’s “going soft”….that his “game is lame”…that his “mackin’ is lackin’”….that he’s “simpin’ wit’ his “pimpin’”….errruhh, you get the idea.

“The Game (And We Don’t Mean Kelsey Grammar’s Show)…”

I once had a female co-worker tell me:

“Women HAVE to play games with men…that’s how we weed out the good ones from the bad ones.”

Wow….so now being dishonest and manipulating his thinking while he still doesn’t know you is supposed to ENDEAR you to him? That’s what’s hot in the streets, men and women thinkin’ you can build something solid with another person after you’ve TRICKED them for the first few weeks/months of y’all knowin’ each other? How can you ever know the REAL essence of someone if you have to keep guessing who they are every so often?

“Playing the game” – aka, being deceitful, misleading or otherwise representing yourself in a manner that isn’t ACTUALLY a true depiction or representation of yourself for the purpose of appealing to, or making yourself seem attractive to, someone of the opposite sex – seems to be accepted as being “part of the deal” when you’re engaged in mackin’ the opposite sex. The ideology dictates that you partake in these illusory practices because “that’s just the way it is…”

COME ON, people…that whole sensibility is so wastefully retarded. Like, the entire premise behind doing it flies in the face of, and works to defeat, its purported ultimate GOAL, which is to find somebody that truthfully makes you happy. Me? I’m married. Happily. But my co-worker friend’s line of thinking reminds me of exactly WHY I got married in the first place.

“You’ve Got The Job!”

New millennium courting is akin to applying for a job. First of all, the person you’re interested in has to be HIRING. If they’re not taking apps, you’re wasting your time. Second, you have to be a qualified employee…do you have all the required qualifications to fill the position? There may be more people than just YOU employed there….how do you go about setting yourself apart from the pack such that you claim that Employee Of The Month/Year title and take that job completely off the market?

Point being, it’s a process that involves lots of “sleight of hand”, if you will, as you maneuver yourself towards getting completely on that person’s good side. Hence, my chief problem with the game…at what point do you STOP playing the role and start truly showing that person the REAL you? Like, when do you ”turn it off”? What if you do it too late? Like, you put some poor soul through the ringer to see if he (or she) will “pass the test” or whatever, and then you deem them “worthy” of your time, but suddenly they’re no longer interested because you played too many games to start off with?

“The Choice Is Yooooours…”

When considered in this light, it becomes clear that “playing the game” will NEVER net you a long-term mate who generates enough serious potential such that it makes you want to marry them. I mean, how CAN it? If everyone is putting on airs and playing roles in order to make themselves look good enough to be given CONSIDERATION for long-term commitment, once the relationship begins isn’t the entire foundation of that relationship based on a lie? You can’t build a foundation with faulty materials….

The game is stupid because it’s unnecessary. True communication will always win out over running game, especially the direct approach to communicating. For instance, men will typically string women along until the point when the woman lets him get intimate with her...then he may lose interest or otherwise stop acting as caring and attentive as he initially did. If your SOLE intent is to be with someone for “fun”, then make that known off the top. See, most men don’t do that because they THINK a woman won’t be agreeable to it, as well...when oftentimes, most women would rather you be honest about your expectations up front than string her along and cause her to start falling for you, only for her to discover later that you got three more just LIKE her. Both men AND women should give that other person the benefit of the doubt that they will be able to deal with a direct, HONEST approach upfront.

The bottom line is…if you’re in the market for a mate, you’re gonna hafta carefully weigh those options. Do you wanna go through the same ol’, same ol’ and end up disillusioned, or are you gonna keep it REAL, a whole hunnid, and upfront with the person you’re interested in?

Black Sheep done already TOLDEDED y’all: the choice is yours.

(Just don’t come crying when you discover that he really DOESN’T own a condo and actually sleeps in his momma’s basement…AND that he’s $300 behind on his rent to her….)